Sacred Scripture makes clear the mutuality of Man and
Woman, that they were made for one another. God
Himself states, “It is not good for man to be alone.” (Gen. 2:
18). Once He creates Eve, Adam says, “This at last is
bone of by bones and flesh of my flesh. . .” (Gen. 2: 23).
Therefore, concludes Sacred Scripture, “A man leaves his
father and mother and cleaves to his wife and they become
one flesh.” (Gen. 2: 24).
Before Christ, Marriage was a natural bond, but Jesus
chose to take this bond and elevate it to the level of a
Sacrament. At the Wedding of Cana He works His first
great miracle and changes water into wine. There is a rich
symbolism in this action: as wine is to water, so is this new
Sacrament of Marriage to the old Bond. Jesus also affirms
the indissolubility of marriage, revoking the permission to
divorce given by Moses: “What God has joined together let
no man put asunder.” (Matthew 19: 6).
For the Sacrament to take place several things are
needed. First, the man and woman in question must be
baptized; otherwise we are still at the level of a natural
bond. Then, four intentions have to be present at the time
of the exchange of vows. The couple must intend
permanence – this is for the rest of their natural lives,
ending only in the death of one of them. Second, they
must intend fidelity. Fidelity is primarily meant in a sexual
sense, but it does go farther than that – nothing, neither
person nor possession, job nor hobby or anything should
come before one’s spouse. Next, they must intend
mutuality, the marriage is a joining of equals, of two
becoming one. Fourthly, the couple must be open to the
transmission of life. This is crucial. The ultimate litmus test
for whether or not a young couple is ready for marriage is if
when they look in each other’s eyes they can see the eyes
of their future children. The highest way for a man and a
woman to say, “I love you” one to the other, is to say, “I
want to have my children with and from you.” All of these
things need to be present at the time of consent for the
Sacrament to take place, (otherwise, one is left only with a
legal bond).
The Sacrament of Marriage reflects God in a number of
ways. First, we see a reflection of the relationship of Christ
and the Church. St Paul states, “Husbands love your wives
as Christ loves the Church and gave Himself up for her .. ”
(Eph. 5: 25). Second, the Sacrament is a reflection of the
dynamic of Love that is the Trinity. The medieval
theologian, Richard of St. Victor states that God has to be a
Trinity if He is indeed Perfect Love. There is a need of a
lover and a beloved, and so we have the Father and the
Son. But, that is not enough for Perfect Love, as there
must be a fruitful sharing of the Love between the two, and
so, we have the generation of the Holy Spirit. Likewise in
marriage we have the lover and beloved, the man and wife;
and between them a fruitful sharing in the possibility of
children. Thus, in a truly loving marriage there is no room
for egoism or selfishness: one’s “I” has to become “You.”
The beautiful mystery of marriage is that the more one
loves the other within the Sacrament the more love one has
with which to love the other.